Jessica Bernados Obituary

Daddy is joining you and Taber in paradise- and although I am happy for your reconciliation, I miss you all most sincerely. I love you Momma- and I will see you and daddy and Taber again on the other side.

It´s been 13 years since you left us- and I still ache for your presence. I miss you so much, momma. I know Taber is with you and that you both watch over us- and that I we day we will all be together again. I love you, momma.

Mom, your precious first born son joins you in paradise today. Hold him close and love him for me. Please both of you stay close to daddy and Heart in this very difficult time.

I will love and miss you both every day, every hour, every minute.

Hey Momma

I sure wish I could talk to you and get your sage advice. No matter how many years have passed, I still yearn to talk with you in my highest and lowest moments.

Loving and missing you so much,

Kathy

Happy Birthday, Momma. You would have been 80 years old today-- you were taken way too soon.

I am going to take my first crack at making your Graham Cracker Pie for Christmas this year. As the family gathers around and we celebrate the joy of just being together, my heart will ache with longing for you.

I miss you so much.

II Fiddle

Happy Anniversary! I know you would be celebrating in fine fashion. You are missed every single day.

Happy Birthday, Mother. Your flame still glows and your giving spirit lives on. You are missed terribly but remembered often. All my love, Tony

Sometimes I can feel every day of the 9 years you have been gone, and sometimes it seems like just yesterday.

I still feel the need to just talk to you--to ask you what you think about the goings on in the world and to cry on your shoulder over the things that hurt beyond words.

I miss you momma-- we all do.

Loving you so,

II Fiddle

Mother,
It's no surprise that today started off rough. It marks 7 years since you left this place for something better. Still, it doesn't seem real.
You are missed more than I ever imagined possible.
Love,
Your Son, in whom you are well pleased,
Tony

Hey Momma. I cannot count the number of times I still want to pick up the phone and call you. I ache to just talk to you.

Your name sake is expecting in the Spring. I know you will be with her watching over her and making sure everything is OK.

I visited her a couple weeks ago and was with her as she felt the first flutters of Baby Dubin. As much as my heart lept with joy, I felt a panh of regret as I know I will not be able to be with her through much of her pregnancy. Funny how it wasn't until that very moment that I realized how hard it must have been for you with each of my pregnancies-- not being able to be there.

If you get a chance, feel free to enlighten me with how to handle being so far away from your baby when they are having babies.

I miss you so much, Momma.

Momma-- please watch over Daddy. Surround him with your strength and your love.

Ate Jessie,

Deep inside my heart ate, even though you are gone for a couple of years, your love, sweet memories and concern still very fresh in my heart and mind. If I am only well-off Ate, I am planning to go back to Charleston SC just to pay respect to your lovely soul, i think i will be relieved because I visited your grave.

Every time I see your picture with Diko Teddy I cannot control my tears. Honestly to tell you I am very very emotional. I cannot replace you Ate, you are very very special to us. From the bottom of my heart Ate I cannot forget you till the rest of my life. I love you very very much.

At 3:00 am on Sept. 3rd, 2013-- your much beloved brother passed away. I know you will take good care of him, as you have always looked out for him.

I miss you both.

It is crazy to think 5 years has passed since you left this world. So much has changed.
In your memory, I packed the van Saturday with all three boys...two of which you never met...and visited your grave site. We noticed Granny had no flowers but the bouquet we left a few months ago on your headstone looked great. I asked the boys if they thought it was a good idea to move the flowers from your headstone to Granny's and all agreed. All four us arranged her bouquet and then created a new fall version for yours. Ethan noticed that the site next to you had no flowers and asked if we could at least share some with them. So we did. Sounded like something you would have wanted considering all the selfless acts you displayed raising us. Ethan then noticed some flowers were overturned nearby and asked if he could fix them. Upon completion, he wanted to see where Donna's grand parents were buried so we headed that way. Unfortunately, we never found them. On the way out, they asked if they could at least say goodbye. So, we stopped and walked back to your grave. My son is amazing. He said, "Can we at least sing her a song or something?" I knelt down and we all held hands and sang "Jesus Loves Me".
Just as we were about to turn onto Rivers Ave, Ethan says, "My heart goes out to all the people in this lawn." Love that kid. You would too. Miss you terribly.

Love, Tony

So often, I think of you and wish that I could call and ask for your advice or just gab about reality TV. I still don't know who I am without you.

Momma,

I need you so much.

Kathy Lynn

Nana,
We love and miss you so much. We know you are in a better place and you are running and swimming with freedom. I know you are happy to be with God. I know that it is hard for all of us, but God has us all in His hands and is blessing us. He blessed all of us with the time we had with you.

There is someone who lurks in the shadows, reading each word
Who has so much to say, that can never be heard
Who longs for your voice and the touch of your hand;
and knows—that you know—and that you understand.
Because of you—this heart beats for you still
Because of you—it always will

Nana! God, do I miss you! The family just isn't the same without you. You were our glue. So much has changed. Since you've been gone:
Uncle Tony and Aunt Donna expanded their family and moved back to GA
All the great grandkiddies started school.
Katrina got married
Poppop adopted a kid?
I started Nursing school
Poppop had surgery
Prisca is a zumba instructor
TABER AND MOM MADE UP.. :)
Michael and Jackie bought a house
Uncle Taber got married and is super healthy now
and Jennifer is finding her inner Bernados :)
Wish you were here to see all of this in the works. I miss you so much!!!!
~J

Mother,
It is hard to believe 4 years have passed. So much has changed in that time. I mean we have had two more kids...You are sorely missed. This has been a tough week and I would have given anything to be able to call you. Thinking of you this day and everyday.

Thinking of you today so strongly. I miss you so much.

Today, 4 non-blondes were singing, "What's Goin' On" and kinda knowing you were knowing made it all the more special. Happy Thanksgiving.
We're all so thankful for your presence in our lives.
You made us who we are ... and we're happy.

Mom,

As you well know, yesterday was Kathy's birthday. I was crazy busy at the Jacksonville office and while on a conference call, I noticed this hardback book about Charleston. I opened it up and there you were standing in your cap and gown as part of the Bishop England graduating class of 1956. It was good to see you again.

Missing you, you son in whom you are well pleased.

Happy
Labor Day" Momma--- I love and miss you so much today.
<3

Insert YOU here:

Dear Mother:

While I think about you often, today I celebrate your life. A life of giving, loving, feeding, understanding, praying, hostessing, welcoming, praising, worshipping, laughing, finding, calling, and calling and calling. What I wouldn't give for one more call, one more hug, one more lecture, one more fight, one more laugh, one more meal, one more song. I still struggle to accept that you are gone...perhaps it is because I always feel you near. Rejoice and be glad for you have earned a healthy, peaceful, and happy place in heaven.

Love you,

Your son in whom you are well-pleased,

Tony

PS. Check out this pic of you sons and grandsons.

So glad you found a way to play badminton with us.
You're so funny. I love having you still, regardless of what physics may imply.

I need a lesson in "letting go." Today, I would have been fired on Apprentice because I didn't understand what was asked and just did the "secretary" thing and not the "leader" thing. My team's effort ended up being a big old joke. I can't sleep from embarrassment. I was stupid and should have done better. Now, all my peers know how stupid I am. How is that going to make me a better mentor? I need a hug. I passed and got my license, but it is a hollow victory. Now I can't sleep and I'm beating myself up, knowing it's wrong ... Oh where are you?

My life has changed so much lately... But I know I will be alright and I know you are watching over me. Having you permanently remembered and with me always next week, I hope you will be there with me and we can do this together. Your strength is what gets me through this.. I have a big name to live up to.

Missing you always,
Name Sake

Mother,
Ethan has been asking about you lately. He even asked me to say a prayer just for you.
I don't profess to understand death in anyway but I do hope you have a visual of the boys. They are incredible and I just hate they did not get to spend time with you.

Love,

Your son in whom you are well pleased.

Tony

I'm trying to convince myself that you hear what's in my heart
and you know how much I've missed you since we have been apart
Are you still watching over me from Heaven's great divide?
Whenever crisis happen--do you still rush to my side?
Or is it just a fantasy that I sometimes feel you near, and
that when I cry out to you, I feel that you can hear?
Perhaps you are beside me, perhaps you guide me still
Perhaps Death cannot conquer a Mother's loving will.

I miss you so much, Momma

Thank you for watching over her. I would be lost without her!! I hope you know how much I love and miss you.

Momma,

Missing you really bad tonight. We were skyping with dad tonight and I wish we had the technology know how to have been able to set a laptop by you so we could talk.

I would do anything to be able to talk to you again. I absolutely ache for the sound of your voice.

I am a bit concerned about the upcoming biopsy. I would love it if you came with me. If God could give you a day pass---please, be there with me Momma. I need you, I cannot do this alone and I am tired of pretending I am strong and sure everything will be fine.

I love and miss you SOOOOOO much.

2Fiddle

Hey Kathy,
You know that was the song I sang at her feet right before they called the time of death.
She had to get a kick out of the fact that instead of some comforting hymn or something, the song that came to mind was "from the Broadway musical, WICKED ..."

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

I'm missing you so much right now. House is full, heart still has a gaping chasm. I miss Christmas 2003. I miss looking for a present for you. We didn't do much for anyone or each other this year as far as gifts. Still just feels like the real gift is relationship. The other stuff just gets in the way.
I miss your cooking and your bossiness, though it has been said that I am adopting the latter as my own.
I hope you feel me hugging you with my heart.
Merry Christmas Eve, Mom.

Dear Mother,

I made your pot roast today. Joyce was unable to make her banana pudding so I stepped up to the plate with YOUR recipe. IT was a hit. I don't think it was a coincidence that amidst all this culinary wizardry, I checked the mail only to find a letter addressed to you. It really made me feel like you were right here with me.

I saw Irene at another funeral and she reminded me of some of the great times years ago. She could sense that I am missing you terribly and reminded me that even if you could come back, you wouldn't. I don't blame you at all. I just miss you.

All my love,

Your son in whom you are well pleased,

TOny

Happy, Happy Birthday from your son in whom you are well pleased.

Love you...

Tony

Missing you more than words can say...

@~}~~ Birthday Flower.

I love you Momma

Happy Birthday Mom. Miss our crazy conversations and a hundred other things. You were such a life force here (and I am sure you are there too). Give me a topic and I will take the opposite view from you, and we will debate and ridicule each others views. Of course now you have inside knowledge and supernatural power on your side---still--....
Peace and love and THANKS for counting me family. Happy Birthday

Jeff

Happy Birthday, Mom.

I found a letter I wrote you for your birthday in 1983.

"December 9, 1983

Dear Mom,

Since you wouldn't accept an expensive, very nice and thoughtful gift from me, I thought you might accept a very inexpensive, very nice and thoughtful gift from my heart. I thought I'd let you know some of the mushier thoughts I've had but simply never said. All week, I've been very proud to reflect and consider just how many lives have been touched and bettered through you in the last forty-six years. I can remember Teresa and her family one Christmas. You made sure that less fortunate family had a nice Christmas. You ventured out to their house with all of us in the dead of night and left presents on their porch. You always let me take a little something to my favorite teacher and even my little "boyfriends." I finally understand how difficult it is to provide Christmas for your own family, much more for those others. Yet we were never disappointed. Somehow we always got more than we had hoped for. We not only received presents, but the love in them that showed you really cared. It was that warm feeling you radiated that made Christmas morning (or Eve) so special.
And talk about COOKING! Mom, I know it seems a little off the wall to talk about cooking in a special birthday letter, but Daddy's right, "She's a feeder!" You had love in everything. I guess I'll never enjoy anyone's cooking as much as yours.
I really don't have much time to write this, but here's a poem for you:

You were born in the midst of winter, or so I've been told
A brilliant ray of sunshine to counteract the cold
You must have been just something
A handful I should say
To make the Merritts shake with fear when you came their way
You were in the 4-H club, oldest member on their list
At the age of what, 20? you still caught calves tails in your fist!
Then you became a woman and met an unusual guy
You didn't know what to say to him
He sang you a song, you cried.
Forbidden lovers then eloped, he put you on a plane
Honeymooned at a crazy house under Simon Bernstein's name
You gave birth to four children
Each special in their way
The first of which could not think of what to get you for today
To commemorate your birthday
Only the best do you deserve
I hope you know I love you by these memory-filled words
It puts me in mind of another poem
I wrote when just a little thing
It touched your hear and started with,
'A mother's love is everything ....'

Happy Birthday, Mom
All my love,
Prisca Jane

I sure wish you were here right now. Despite everything, you always knew what to do. Sure could use your help.

I miss you, Momma.

Wish you were here watching the Pacquiao vs Margarita fight. Jeff said there was no one he'd rather watch that fight with. Even Pastor Chris commented about the good times watching Tyson fights with you.
Some things will just never get better than they have already been.
That's okay.
They have been.
And we remember.
Miss you.

Mother,

Today I found you in two pennies that mysteriously appeared in my office. Timely. I miss you so much. All these years I thought home was 3562 Highcourt Lane. Boy was I wrong. YOU made it home.

I was channel surfing and came across Paula Deen cooking with her youngest son. It reminded me of our days in the kitchen together. I really didn't enjoy or appreciate it then, but now those memories keep me going. So, in your honor, I made Paula's Chocolate Bread Pudding with the help of my two boys and brought it to the office. THAT was this day that the two pennies appeared. Imagine that! Next thing you know, I am going to find a 5lb bag of sugar there.

PS: What do you think about my boys? You would just eat Gavin to pieces. I am convinced they would both save you from any gorilla.

All my love,

Your son, in whom you are well pleased....

Tony

I want to thank you for letting me know, in a way I would understand, that you will never really leave us. I heard you loudly and clearly this morning in the song you held so close when you were mourning your own mother, "Alone Again, Naturally" playing on the TV at a commercial break lead-in and then .. the burst of unexpected rain in a sunny sky!!!! Of course, I cried. But they were tears just as unexpected and quickly followed by Mahli using the balloon blower on my eyes!!! LOL. Oh the compassion!
She gets it from me.
Thank you for the memories I hold dear and the new ones we still share.
Today, I will celebrate you by dancing and sharing stories and spreading "Jessie-ness" all over!
You're my hero, Mom.
And I love you.
Prisca Jane

In loving memory of Momma~

It has been two years since the day that you left to be with God. Though the indescribable feeling of loss has remained, so has the love that you shared and the joy that you gave to us.

I miss you so much, Momma.

Always your Second Fiddle,

Kathy Lynn

No one can know my torment
No one can feel my pain
No one can see my longing
My tears for you fall like rain

Silently, I remember
Quietly, I endure
Secretly, I sing to you
Of love that yet remains pure

Two years have passed since I held you
Two years, and each day is the same
I go through the motions of living
And smile through unbearable pain

I'd give all that I am just to tell you
That nothing can keep us apart
Although you have passed to forever~
Forever you live in my heart

I'm going to do it, Mom! I remember when you were in St. Francis and promised "to come back and help those who needed hope."
This August, two years after I last saw you there, I will be bringing that hope to St. Francis Hospital! I'm doing a benefit Intro to Zumba class and all proceeds will go to the American Heart Association!
Your wish, my body!
Perfect timing.

I love you very, very much and feel your influence in almost every thing I do.

Prisca Jane

Today, when I was speaking to a young girl, giving advice and truth in love, I heard myself and I heard YOU.

It was my birthday, but I always knew it was OUR day.
This one was especially hard. I kept getting angry that your call would be the one I wanted most and was sure to never receive again. I felt really, really sorry for myself. I found myself crying again. Sucked.
The Seniors I teach did surprise me with a birthday party on the 10th. It was beautiful. They love me, like mothers do ... still...
They're just never going to be YOU.

Then, Jeff planned a surprise party for me! It was fantastic and you know why? Because I saw DADDY being himself and dancing and my heart leapt with joy! Oh Mom, you were here too.

You'll always, always share the 12th of June with me and I will always, always be "the thermometer stuck ... well, you know the rest."

So happy to be your daughter and hoping to always, always make you proud.

Prisca Jane

'Someone' For Jessie Lou

Someone’s heart still bleeds inside
Someone yearns to say
That someone aches internally
Every single day

Someone holds your memory
As an ever glowing flame
Someone yearns in reverence
Whispering your name

Someone cries in silence
Someone loves you still
Someone knows that you know
Someone always will

Happy Mother's Day Name-Sake! I love you

Winter melts into Spring. Hair that once was black grows gray. The world around me is changing so fast.

I miss your insightful commentary on the politics of the world. I miss how amid all the apparent turmoil and confusion you would find a way to demonstrate how everything is part of God's plan.

The one thing that has not changed is the ever present awareness that 'she who loves me no matter what' has gone. I would give anything to go back and have the chance to show you how much I love you, and how much I need you.

I miss calling you and spilling out the little crisis of my day and knowing you were hearing me. I miss the assurance that whether I was right or wrong, the only thing you cared about was me.

Again, I miss sending you your Mother's Day flowers. ~~~}~~@

I love you so very much Momma. Happy Mother's Day.

When I grow up, I want to be just like you.

Fiddler2X

Momma,

Time changed last night. I woke this morning in a discombobulated rush and flurry, trying to adjust. It occurred to me that if I could change time, I would go back—back when you were still with us—so that I could tell you how much I love you, how much I need you. Then I remembered the dream of you holding me, comforting me, whispering your love—and I realized that it isn’t time that separates us—just physical form.

I slowed down and dwelled in that moment of remembrance and suddenly, all else is right again.

I miss you so much.

Fiddler2X

‘Time heals all wounds.’ I have heard that expression ever since you passed away. I can’t help but wonder how MUCH time is supposed to pass before the healing begins. It is such a misleading statement. What power does TIME have to correct the emptiness I feel in my heart without you here to talk to?

Granted, I am not crying every day—but that is not because TIME came along and stamped my forehead with an ‘ALL HEALED’ stamp. I am not crying everyday because I came to realize that CRYING is about as useful as TIME, it doesn’t help. I still think of you every day, miss you every day, and long to hear your voice every day. I can’t even imagine existing in a state that can be referred to as ‘healed’ that doesn’t include having you back in my life.

Maybe ‘healed’ isn’t having you back but a process of learning to live in a new state of existence where we have to accept that we cannot change reality no matter how unbearably difficult that reality is. If that is what ‘healed’ is, then yes, I am healed…albeit reluctantly. Maybe a more appropriate adage would be ‘Acceptance comes in time.’

Here are the truths I have learned since your passing:

1. Nothing will ever be the same.
2. No one and nothing can ever fill the void left by you.
3. Cherish every moment you have with those you love.
4. Never procrastinate when it comes to forgiveness.
5. When you tell someone “I love you,” say it as if it is the last time you will ever get to say those words to that person.
6. Time is not a healer, just a place mark separating irretrievable moments of our lives.

I miss you so much, Momma.

Happy Birthday Nana!!! I love you and miss you terribly!!!

I thank God for the Love bestowed upon my life in having you as my Momma.

Missing you so much on your birthday.

I love you so very much. I hope you like your Christmas bling.

Momma,

I misses your kisses.

I love you so much.

2X Fiddle

The last thing Nana ever said to me: "Take good care of your mother, she's my baby girl" me: "Yes ma'am"

The Best for Last (Teo Anthony):

It's February 24th in the Philippines. Dad is with Mom and she is in heavy labor ... at least she says so. According to her doctor she was no where near delivery, regardless of her opinion, and he was so confident, he was going to lunch!

She insists Dad stays with her and tells him to "LOOK!"
He does.
Then his face goes white (interesting for a Filipino) as he sees a tiny foot appear!
Without thinking, he pushes the foot RIGHT BACK IN!

I will pause for a moment in respect for my mother's most obvious pain.

Okay, now we see a panic-filled Ted pushing her in her bed down the hallway, screaming for help ...
did I mention there were painters in the hallway?
They got a nice little view.
Mom was horrified, but had a lot going on.

Tony was delivered breach. The doctor saved Dad's life by saying that he had done the exact right thing. If he hadn't, the next push would have crushed the baby's pelvis.

If you know Tony now, you know what a terrible shame that would have been. The boy can DANCE!

The Birth of the First Son (Theodore Albert):

Now she is in Adak, Alaska and it is June 26, 1967. It has been a long 10-month pregnancy and she is jaundiced and very heavy. This has been a difficult pregnancy, made even more difficult as she is so far away from her own mother. She's in YOU CAN SEE RUSSIA FROM HERE -ALASKA!

Miserable and suffering, she is alone at the hospital. Ted is home with the girls, Janie (now 5) and Kathy, (almost 4).

She feels something fall out of her as she stands ... It's a BABY! He's still in the sack! She was horrified! She screams and the staff rushes in, caring for them both.

Fortunately, they are both fine. Should I tell you she thought for a moment he was a mutant? Well, it's not very nice, but it's true and if anyone could laugh at it, it's Taber. He has to LOVE that he got such a rise out of Mom from the very first. He always has and always will, I guess.

She brought him home and Dad couldn't have been more pleased! Of course, Mom noted that the girls' hair looked like it hadn't been brushed in days and they were still wearing the same clothes she left them in.

Oh, and she always told of Kathy's first response:
She pulled up Mom's shirt and said, "Can we put it back?"

Ah siblings! Man, I love 'em. So glad God put me in the same family with these funny story makers.

The Birth of the Second Fiddle (Kathy):

It was September 28, 1963 and there she was, at the Charleston Navy Hospital again ... or almost.

This story will be very short.

The whole thing took 28 minutes and one push.

There she was! Kathryn Lynn.
It was as if Kathy came in a hurry, not wanting to miss a thing and exclaiming, "Ta Da!"

The Birth of Her First Child (me):

It was June 12, 1962, summertime in Charleston, SC at the Navy Hospital.
The labor room was just a large room with many beds separated by curtains.
In the bed next to Jessie was a woman shrieking in pain. Jessie was also in pain, but thinking, "I am NOT going to make THAT kind of noise, no matter how much it hurts! It's just embarrassing!"
The doctor told the shrieker, "Put your right leg onto the bar on your left and pull onto your side..."
Jessie knew that she was in every bit the pain the shrieker was, so she did the same ... not shrieking.
The doctor made some instruction on breathing and relaxing and Jessie did the same.

She was an efficient woman conscious of the doctor's time and getting more and more frustrated with the shrieker ...

It wasn't long before the baby was heard ... shrieking ...
it was ME!

From around the curtain, the startled doctor popped his head, "Mrs. Bernados! What are you doing?".
The frantic activity now began at Jessie's bed in earnest.

Once the crisis was over, he asked again, "What were you doing?"
"I heard you telling the lady in the next bed what to do and I figured I would save you some trouble and do the same ..."

He laughed heartily and said, "Well, Mrs. Bernados, that lady in the bed next to you was screaming because she had a thermometer stuck in her rectum!"

And that's how Prisca Jane came into the world!
Once more, she must have looked surprised and then more surprised and then ... the laugh and the story.

Her Green Thumb:

Jessie Lou grew up on a farm and yet somehow never had a knack for growing things (other than children).
Anytime she found herself in receipt of live plants, she would honestly thank the giver and then, with a sigh, say something to the effect of, "It's a shame it's gonna die."
Inevitably, it did.
Every Christmas Cactus, miniature rose, pathetic pothos, geranium or any other plant would in short order find itself either dry and brittle or yellow and wilted ... either way, dead as a doornail. She would say, "Even a prayer plant doesn't have a prayer."
UNTIL ...
A friend came to visit her in the hospital and brought a beautiful African Violet. Mom loved purple, just loved it. She thought it was the loveliest shame of all. But, as she always did, she researched the care techniques for the doomed plant and with renewed hope, tried to keep it alive for as long as possible.
She knew it needed special watering, that the leaves shouldn't get wet, but it should be watered from below, etc. She placed it in the kitchen window above the sink. It had a lovely view of the backyard, where the herd of children played. She sang to it. She watered it dutifully and after a bit ... began to boast and brag about her newly found green thumb. Why in four years it had bloomed consistently and looked as healthy as any greenhouse plant.
UNTIL
One day, the unthinkable happened. It fell...right into the sink. Strange. Water came pouring out and rotted stuff was revealing the truth .... the plant had been a beautiful artificial plant all along!
I wish you could have seen her face, full of surprise and more surprise and then ... the laugh. The laugh that came from deep within and would raise itself up over and over again whenever she retold the story in the years to come. Never had an artificial plant had more attentive love and care. It had served more than a purpose, it was a STORY.
Needless to say, she received many more similar plants from me and as I write today, there is one on her grave ... making her smile, because I remember.

How They Met:

It must have been around 1960-61 (as I was born in '62) and Jessie Lou, dutiful daughter of a Navy Officer, was working at the Enlisted Men's Club as a server at a function. There, behind the punch, she stood with a view of the entry door. In walks a short, handsome young man who is commanding the attention and giddyness of the girls next to her. "Oooh, It's Teddy!", says her friend.

"What's a 'Teddy'?" she asked. Later, she would tell me she had no idea what he was ... she thought he should have a red dot in his forehead. But did he ever have charisma. She began to feel a great tension as he approached. She said he made her uncomfortable, the way he stared at her. She told her friend, "If he thinks he's coming up to ME ... huh!"
He did.
He looked right at her and spoke in his unknown accent.
"May I have this dance?" he asked as he looked at her and put out his hand TO HER FRIEND!
Well, he made an impression and the rest, as they say, is history....

I am the eldest child of Jessie and Ted Bernados and in the end, became not just daughter, but confidant to my mother. She wanted to be remembered and in our family, it's all about the stories. I know the stories and feel the need to get them down somewhere, so I will write them here. They will not be chronological, but they will at least ... be remembered.

PLEASE COME BACK!!!!!!!!


I stumbled across your picture today
I could barely breath
the moment stopped me cold
and grabbed me like a thief

I dialed your number but you wouldn't be there
I knew the whole time but it's still not fair
I just wanted to hear your voice
I just needed to hear your voice

What do I do with all I need to say?
there's so much I want to tell you every day
and it breaks my heart
I cry these tears in the dark

I write these letters to you
but the get lost in the blue
Because there's no address in the stars

Everybody tells me,
all i need is time
then the morning rolls in,
and it hits me again
that it's nothing but lies!!!

what do I do with all I need to say?
There's so much I wanna tell you everyday

And it breaks my heart

all I can do is write these letters to you,
But there's no address in the stars

hello Name Sake!!! my Gosh do I miss you terribly. I still haven't deleted your cell number from my phone and I still get such strong urges to call you. I find myself staring at your name wishing I could push the call button. It's lonely here in Az sometimes and I wish so desperately to call you and say hello. I got accepted into nursing school and know how proud you would be...I'd give anything to go back and care for you again...foot rubs and all :) I need you more than I ever thought I did..

There are some wounds that even time cannot heal
And a hole in my soul that a smile can’t conceal
There are words left unspoken, deeds left undone
Hearts needing mended, battles not won

Today I will grieve and give voice to my sorrow
And then honor your strength by enduring tomorrow
I will honor your spirit by rising above
And by doing for others, I honor your love

I will keep you beside me by telling your story
And in all things, sing “To God Be The Glory!"
And I know that YOU know what is there in my heart
And as long as we love, we are never apart

Momma, I need you SO much right now. I am disintegrating and I need you to give me an attitude adjustment like only you can. PLEASE let me dream of you tonight, I need you

Some days ... I am fine.
I am strong.
I am moving forward.
Other days ... I just plain miss you, need you and wish you were just a phone call away.

I love you.

Tita Jessie,

Last friday, I went to my youth group's bible study, along with some of the cousins and we were talking about how life is abruptly interrupted, and how sometimes even if it hurts, or unprepared there's always a reason. And we came along a question talking about a loved one who has moved on from this life, and right away I thought of you. I told them how strong you are, and how you made us who we are right now (the Bernados'). I wish you were still here tita, to hear your lovely voice, to see your comforting smile, to be surrounded by your great personality. I still think of you from time to time, and I know you're watching down on us all. I just hope we're all making you proud tita Jessie. I love you and the whole family. I just thought I'd share last weeks story.

With Love,
Jenny Lynne Bernados

Happy Mother's Day, Momma
I love you

~~~[~~@

Kathy

It's the evening before Mother's Day and I am remembering how every year, I would send you ‘Mother’s Day’ flowers—and every year, you would pretend that you were surprised. This year, all the little reminders that the flower companies send me cause my heart to just drop into my stomach. I wish I could send you your flowers, Momma. Instead, I offer just a few rhyming words to try to express how very much I wish you were here so that I could say to you, "Happy Mother’s Day, Momma!” I love you, and I miss you so very much.


I remember the day that I gave you a star
from a far, distant galaxy
It was named after you, but could not shine as bright
as your smile in my memory.
I had thought that whenever you glimpsed the night sky,
you would have happy feelings of me.
And I’d smile, though the miles stretched between us
when a twinkling star I would see.

What began as a gesture of joy and of love,
in a time when I couldn’t foresee
That each night of my life, since the day that you left,
every star’s a reminder to me
Of the light of your smile, and your twinkling eyes
that are chiseled in my reverie
And I whisper your name in the twilight,
longing for, what I know cannot be.

I try to be strong, to “Keep on—keepin’ on”
like the fighter you taught me to be.
Though I struggle with how to express to you now,
In this new altered reality
That although more than miles stretch between us
You are still every heartbeat to me.

I love you--- Kathy Lynn

So Mom,
Today is Chazz's 27th birthday and we did a nice family gathering at lunch today. It was wonderful. He is such a good kid and I'm pretty sure you already knew that. The food was good, the pie (he prefers them to cake) was yummy, there was more laughter than the law allows, the gifts were thoughtful and funny ...He seemed genuinely blown away and when he left, he called me "Moms", which delighted me to no end.
I've always wanted a son.
And he played the piano and guitar so beautifully.
Funny, but the first person I wanted to tell of my soul's happiness, is YOU.
I felt like a mini-you, making things special and important ... It feels so good.
Thanks so much for giving me so much of you. I am happier for it. You would be so proud.
I love you.

As I near the end of my 46th year, I find the letter I wrote you on your 46th birthday:
December 9 1983
Dear Mom,
Since you wouldn't accept an expensive, very nice and thoughtful give from me, I thought you might accept a very inexpensive, very nice and thoughtful gift from my heart.
So I thought I'd let you know some of the mushier thoughts I've had but simply never said. All week, I've been very proud to reflect and consider just how many lives have been touched and bettered through you in the last forty-six years.
I can remember my friend, Teresa, and her family one Christmas. You made sure that unfortunate family on Bibb Street had a nice Christmas. You always let me take a little something for my favorite teacher and even my "little boyfriends". I finally understand how difficult it is to provide Christmas for your own family - much more for those others. Yet we were never disappointed. Somehow we always got more than we had hoped for. We not only received presents, but you really CARED. It was that warm feeling you radiated that made Christmas morning so special.
Talk about COOKING! Mom, I know it seems a little off the wall to talk about cooking in a special birthday letter, but Daddy's right, "you are a feeder!" I guess I'll never enjoy anyone's cooking as much as yours.
I really don't have much time to write, but here's a poem for you:

You were born in the midst of winter, or so I've been told
A brilliant ray of sunshine to counteract the cold
You must have been just something
A handful, I should say
To make the Merritt's shake with fear when you came their way
You were in the 4H Club, the oldest member on their list
At the age of 20? you still caught calves tails in your fists!
Then you became a woman and met an unusual kind of guy
Didn't know what to say to him,
He sang a serenade, you cried.
Forbidden lovers then eloped
He put you on a plane
Honeymooned at a "crazy house"
Under Simon Bernstein's name
You gave birth to four children, each special in their way
The first of which could not think of what to get for you today
I commemorate your birthday, only the best do you deserve
I hope you know I love you by these few little words
It puts me in mind of another poem
I wrote when just a little thing
It touched your heart and started with:
"A Mother's Love is Everything...."
Happy Birthday and all my love,

Dear Pop,

I would like to take this opportunity to share with you my thoughts about Jessie. I did not want my words to be misinterpreted as insincere or forced in any way. Besides, I could not limit myself to only a few sentences.

I remember the first time I came to dinner. I think you had already sized me up in our truck ride over to Cumberland Street and now it was Jessie's and Prisca's turn. Jessie compared me to Darryl Hannah and it was the first time I thought she saw something in me that I hadn't noticed in myself. Every time I visited, I felt truly welcomed as part of the family. I must admit, this was a little difficult at first because I was so far away from my parents and it made me miss them even more. I'm so glad my Mom and Dad had a chance to visit and share in Jessie's true southern hospitality and I will always cherish the memories of you and my father in your workshop. I think that's why I had a hard time calling Jessie "Mom" because in my own head, I felt like I may be hurting my own mother with that special word.

Then I realized that the word "Mom" was used by only a few people and that it was a word that filled Jessie's heart with pride. It meant that I was a part of another wonderful family, so I began to see Jessie as my southern Mom. After all, I have you and her to thank for raising such a wonderful son.

As I said at our wedding, Taber is the person that I've always dreamt of marrying and I have you and Jessie to thank for raising him to be such a loving and compassionate man. I always knew marriage could be this good and everyday I appreciate sharing my life with him. I remember when Mom said that I was good for her son and I carry those kind words with me everyday. I will miss Mom's genuine smiles (you know she was always glad to see you), her warm hugs, and sense of humor.

I am enclosing a copy of the picture Taber said you admired. We decided to wake up early and watch the sunrise while we were in Myrtle Beach. I think that sunrises show that with each new day, anything is possible, especially new beginnings. I am so happy that I had a chance to be part of yours and Jessie's marriage and that I reap the benefits of your union everyday. I'm also looking forward to welcoming Prima into the family. I only hope that I can make her feel as welcome as Mom made me feel.

Love always,
Ellen

Dear Mom,

I love and miss you so much. I just had a memory of the strangest kind. Your pants.
You had the same pants for YEARS, while you dressed us all four in clothes constantly.
I always thought you dressed me pretty well. I have absolutely no taste in clothes and no desire to be "like" anyone else (except for that one time I cut my hair like Cher), but you always made me look like ... me. What a gift. Meanwhile, regardless of the days of false eyelashes, stilletto heels, wigs and falls ... you always seemed to stay true to your own sense of sacrificial style. You were above all else, Mom (with a large side of charisma).
So you know, I hope I'm growing up to be a lot like you. Irreplaceable.

Loving you.

Happy 49th Wedding Anniversary, Momma. Daddy and I celebrated you--and rejoiced for the love you have brought to our lives.

So much change is happening so fast. It is overwhelming. I have long since given up trying to find words to explain the range of emotions swirling within me.

It seems like I don't have time to grieve because there is just SO much happening. The weddings, work, home, families evolving and an economy that is worsening by the second.

How I long for your wisdom and council! I feel pulled in more directions than I can possibly handle and I find myself wondering where the next ounce of strength will come from.

Then I remember those magic words, "you know I love you, don't you baby?" and suddenly peace comes over me. The rest of the world is still insanely crazy but in those moments when I need my mother's comfort--I remember.

God is merciful and loving--and I know that He is keeping you safe, well, happy, and in perfect peace at His side.

It is very late Sunday night/early Monday morning. I waited until everyone was asleep to sneak onto Daddy's laptop. I still feel you everywhere in the house. Your elegant, comfortable touch permeates. I hate to leave, Momma!

It is so strange coming home and not going straight to your side---or accounting for my every movement to you :P It is also strange not smelling your broccoli casserole waiting just for me will all that special second-fiddle love baked in!

I left you a present in your rock garden. I hope you like it.

Nana,
I love you. I miss you. If you were here, I could talk to about my personal problem that that I'm having that I can't tell anyone else.I love you. I miss you. -Mattie

Well, I've seen Prima's picture now.
It's real.
I'm happy for Dad and I know you would want to continue "always putting him first".
You're an amazing woman, Mom.
I miss you.

Dear Mom:

Today, I am sad and I miss you terribly. How I wish I could talk to you.....

hi auntie jessie,
thank you for everything! words are not enough to express how greatfull I am for everything that you did (and youre still doing) for this family. Tito Ted, Cathy & Jennifer was here this holiday & I can really feel what you instill in their hearts. Their big kiss, their huge tight hugs, their life testimony, their wisdom of knowing God, or even their sweet smile really inspired me a lot.

I feel the emptiness in their hearts loosing you (and I can relay on that loosing my mom too) but you know whats important? I see Hope and Love everytime I see or talk to them..and that I will Hold On.

We might not see you anymore but I know in my hearts you are just around us all the time.

With Love & Respect,

Remember the Mii you made on Thanksgiving last year on Madison's Wii? I love it. I really, really do. It's so oddly comforting to see you dancing, jogging, in the stands, cheering us on or whatever. Today, I did a 30 minute run (go me!) and at the very end, you were right there with me. I passed you, then I LET you get by me.
I think I just didn't want you to see my big ol' butt.

Now, I'm making Adobo (your style) and the house smells yummy.

I miss you, Mom.

There have been times I just wish with all my heart you were a phone call away. Here I am 46-years old and still there are situations which I just don't know what to do and need your advice (whether I ever intended to take it or not). I love your take on things.

I found this in an old email file and it's so MOM. I thought it should be somewhere ... It is dated 2/8/1999:

Suffice it to say that typing this while a whining wiggle worm squirms in my arms is quite amazing. Amidst my continual "Stop it" "Don't eat that" "What's in your mouth?" "C'mon honey, NO" comments, I'm trying to convey a simple thought.

Life is an adventure! Maddi and I went out on errands today. She did pretty well in her new Eddie Bauer sit-in-the-backseat-big-girl carseat. Of course it had to be the camel and hunter green model. She didn't cry at all (we were in the car about 15 minutes) Small steps. We got home and I put up the bread (not even 5 minutes) when...."Maddi, what are you gagging on?" I had just called my mother who overheard this scenario. "Oh no...aaaaaaaaah!!!!!" Then the phone went dead. Of course, she sent Dad to our immediate rescue. The emergency? Ingestion of a bug. I looked in front of her two teeth and there was a bug BUTT. A leg was on her chin. A scream of terror from me, only to be seconded by her. I forgot all about the phone. I had her upside down and dug out about 3/4 of the bug, but... If I had known the day held that incident in store for me, I wouldn't have gotten out of bed. Jeff walked in for lunch and knew immediately that there was something fishy going on. I hadn't fully relayed the story when Dad pulled up. I was expecting Fire and Rescue any minute. Mom HANDLES crises...
Once my nerves settled, I decided to feed her real people food and then myself. She got baby vegetables and I decided to eat the mexican dip for lunch. I sat down with the dish and ate some, kissed Jeff goodbye and then the Presidential Impeachment blah blah came on the tv and I went for water. Upon my return, (I took Maddi the bug eater with me), I found that now I didn't have to feed Bart...He was having MY lunch.
I give up.
I'm writing you now to let you know, Maddi and I are going back to bed...I don't want bugs, cats, presidential exploits, nothing to deal with for now.
So, Donna ... hope your day at work was good.
Jeff ... the saga continues.
Tony ... at least it wasn't Ben-Gay..
Mary & Charles ... she gets it from ya'll (ha!)
Kathy ... I blame the media.
and to you all, a proverb:

The early bird catches the worm.

That's great if you like worms, and I'm not sure the worm is having a great day.

As for me and my house... we will wait for the next course.

Love and hugs and bug-kisses to all.
Prisca

So Mahli and I were having breakfast this morning and she brought up the trip to the cemetery. "Mom, you know what I told Nana when we were at her flowers? I said, Nana, I know you love me, but I just miss you so much. I hope you're having fun dancing with Elvis and all, but can you please come back soon? I hope you like your flowers and I love you, Nana."

That's all.
Funny how her simple words speak for me, too.

Hey Mom.

I took Mary and Charles to place flowers on your grave on Christmas day. Mahli just hugged your flowers and was talking to you. I'm sure you know.

Christmas was so different. While you're not here, you're everywhere.

On New Year's Day, I wore your earrings and immediately LOST one! I was devastated.

But the next day, I woke with a new outlook. I will not concentrate on what I have lost, but instead on all that I do have right now ... I'll surely lose it all one day, I may as well enjoy it while it's here.

Oh, something funny. I was moving a box at the house and a bottle fell on my foot. It was an opened bottle of champagne and when I picked it up, I realized it was no ordinary bottle.

It was the one signed, "To Jessica, All my love always, Wayne Newton". I laughed at the memory of your story of how he came to your table. You must have charmed him, like you do. I did find it interesting that he made the bottle to "Jessica" and not "Ted and Jessie" ... you fox, you.

I miss you, and I feel you everywhere.
Thanks for being with us all.

Merry Christmas, Mom:

I want to call you so badly because I have really big news to share. I have called or contacted everyone but still feel like I am forgetting or missing someone. I would give anything to personally share the news with you and hear your joyful response. We are going to have another baby boy! Sadly, he will never know...he will never know.

My dearest Momma,

It's Christmas Eve, and I miss you so much it hurts. I hope that you are having a wonderful Christmas in heaven!

Though the children and grand children will be with me this year, there is such a vacancy that only you can fill.

I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.

I love you Momma, always and all ways.


"Mama, I miss the days when you were here beside me
Mama, those happy days when you were here to guide me
Safe in the flow of your love
Sent from the heavens above
No one can ever replace
The warmth of your tender embrace

Oh, mama
Until the day that we're together once more
I live with your memory
Until the day that we're together once more

Safe in the flow of your love
Sent from the heavens above
No one can ever replace
The warmth of your tender embrace

Oh, mama
Once more."

Momma,

I wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday. Today I will wear purple, wear your 'bling' and make sure to witness to someone. I miss you so very much. Momma.

I don't know if my extreme desire to communicate with you is causing me to project and have the dreams of us talking, but I love the dreams because I see you in them. You are healthy and able to walk around in my dreams. We laugh and talk endlessly about everything.

I just love you and miss you, Momma.
I miss sending your birthday flowers.

Yesterday, Mahli did a handprint turkey drawing on the board. It had a cute little google thing under the neck, but that's not what caught my eye.
It was the FOUR LEGS!
Oh, didn't that bring back the story of when I was in Kindergarten and had to draw a turkey. Both parents vied for the position of "most illustrious turkey artist."
Right ....
Dad's was dead on gorgeous, or as gorgeous as a turkey can be, as expected.
Mom, however, had quite the little fowl art going too. She laughed at Dad's. He laughed at hers. Why? Hers had four legs; his only had two!
They argued as to the legitimacy of the turkeys in question. Mom added that she was the expert after all in that she grew up on a farm! There was no convincing her that Dad's wouldn't just fall over and looked completely ridiculous. Until ...
"Jessie? When you roast a turkey, how many drumsticks do you have?"
"Oh, well ... It still looks like yours would fall over ...."

Now, years later ... the four-legged turkey raises his head again, reminding us of a time long ago and the same frame of mind still lives.
I told the girls the story.
Mahli drew a second turkey ... next to her original ... with two legs.

Dad said it was Mom's way of telling us, she's still around, having influence.

I believe.

Momma,

It's been 3 months since you left us, and not a day goes by that I don't miss you terribly. I long to talk to you, to see your face, and to just spend time with you.

I know it must seem silly--for me to leave you a message on this page-- but I just wanted some way to reach out and tell you how very much I love you, and how you remain an integral part of my every day.

I miss calling you on my way home from work, just talking about my day. I miss how you would listen to me, tell me to be strong, and always---always--always support me and tell me you love me.

I still hear your voice in my head, the ernest way you would tell me, "You know how much I love you, don't you baby?" right before we would hang up...and I knew...and still know...and ache to hear those words again.

I love you so much Momma... I am being a good girl and taking care of myself and the family. Kayleigh always clutches your cross that I wear and asks me "Do you miss NaNa, Gramma?" My heart always skips a beat and I tell her, "Yes, honey, I miss NaNa very much." She misses you too, Momma.

You once said you would haunt me if you could-- and if the wonderful dream I had of you last night was in fact a special visit and not a manifestation of my longing; then please, feel free to haunt me all the time!

I love you and miss you so much--

Your Second Fiddle

Oh Nana...It's your Name sake calling. I feel you around me, constantly. I know your there. I know that you have helped my struggles turn into my favors lately. You see, I have always had to work twice as hard to get things done, while lately, they have just been falling into place. I have noticed that. Also, do you think I haven't observed the abundance of butterflies suddenly in my back yard? They're so beautiful! Maybe you can help me out with all of those mosquitoes. They're tearing me up back there!

So I just want to say Thank you Nana! Thank you for allowing me to feel the pain of grieving. Without that, I would have never been able to feel the amazing joy of your unconditional love, the warm touch of your hand reaching for mine in moments of laughter, sincerity and heart to hearts. And the look in your eyes, the look you gave everyday. You touched everyone with just a glance of the eyes. Whether it was the look you gave when you were giving a gift, small or big, you were ever so proud. Or the look you gave when we knew we were in trouble. Those eyes spoke words the english dictionary doesn't even carry.

So I thank you. These memories I will carry for the rest of my life are priceless.


As to my Amazing family. Wow! What an amazing head leader we had. Just indescribable. And what an amazing legacy left behind. So everyone raise your glass at dinner tonight and lets toast to Jessica "Nana" Bernados, The most beautiful, compassionate, "get things done and get em done right" woman whose legacy will carry through our family for generations to come!

To Nana!

We love you and miss you dearly

-Your family

Losing a love one is never something easy to cope with but God gives us the strength to be able to stay strong and keep moving forward. We all know that tita Jessie was always strong in her faith, were always supportive with her family and friends, and always had a good soul. Though the pain and memories comes through our heads we all know that she is now in paradise.

Even if we would still love to see her today, she is celebrating with our Lord and Savior and I'm just blessed that I had the chance to spend time with her in South Carolina. I won't forget those 10 days; eating with the whole family, watching kuya Theo on TV, and just chatting with the family. I've always wanted to come back and visit. And I still do. I won't forget her southern accent, and the way she'd cook corn bread or clam chowder (which is the best ever). I love you tita, and I know you're looking down on all of us.

& to those she's left behind, always keep on keep it on as tito Teddy says. Pray for each other to gain strength through Christ and always remember that she's not going through pain and sorrow but yet rejoicing with the angels. You're always in our prayers tita Jessie, and I love and miss you so much. As the song sung by Passion goes "your battle has finally won, and He said well done"

With love,
Jenny Lynne