Jasmine Gosselin Obituary

Hey baby girl! Is dad behaving? Sure do miss you two!

I didn't realize this was still active until I received a notification about a new post. I should have known! When my memories pull up I see memes I posted for you in the past about missing you, you being in heaven, the loss of you. I've resisted sharing because people will assume they are for Uncle Eddie and they are yours. Not that I don't mean those same words for him. It's been really rough, Sassy Lassy. But those memories belong to you. That's all the new memories I get for your.

I guess I could make it clear they are for you, but with all the words in my writer head, I couldn't figure out a way to say - this is for Jasmine and nobody else, without sounding nuts or mean. There are posts that are just for him, too. It's not a competition. LOL Uncle Eddie got to see you before I did. NOT fair! I love you, my Sassy Lassy. I miss you! You are always in my heart. ~Auntie Phyllis

Hello my girl! Just sitting here thinking of you as usual! I miss you so very much! I still can't seem to write on here without crying! I love you so much! Be trying to read devotionals to help me through this sadness and pain! I love you and will keep working on my relationship with God so we can be together one day! xoxoxo Mommy

Hello my girl! We planted flowers today as we usually do on your leaving us day. We were kind of busy on the 2nd with Aunt Phyllis but we got it done today. We miss you eminsly! Mom and Dad

I can't believe it's been almost 4 years. I don't know if I'm saying it as a good or bad thing,
Some days I look back with sadness that you're gone, but I always manage to see past that. I find myself remembering the fighter inside you and every time I'm in need of confidence or inspiration I know I can look back to you. I guess you were never really gone to begin with.
-Alex

I guess this is an obsolete page. I must remember to print it out before it goes offline again. Today is your 22nd birthday and while you are on lots of people's mind today, you are not forgotten the rest of the year. There isn't a holiday that goes by without feeling the void. On regular days so many things spark memories of you - anything purple lol, a butterfly, baseball, zebras, the labels on veggies & fruit, thoughts of heaven, anything musical, cancer posts - I didn't say they were all happy memories. You are sooooo remembered, my Sassy Lassy. And soooooooooo very much missed. And yes, your sappy aunt phyllis is tearing up as I type this. Love you sweet girl. Hugs! LOTS & LOTS of hugs! <3

Hi Sweetie. Went to see you the other day. I took a video of the windmills twirling. They made a cool sound turning in the breeze with the wind chimes "singing". Even the tiny purple one was twirling. I've taken lots of pictures over there, but I never thought to snap a video. I'm so glad that I did this time. It is somehow soothing to click it open and listen to the wind chimes and watch the windmills. You know, by now, that Auntie Phyllis rarely makes "emotional sense". Especially when it comes to you.

I have most definitely come to terms that you are far better off than anything offered down here. But I still get sad and even a bit mad that you had to leave.

Angelina is doing cross country. She's in middle school now. She sure could use your shoulder and ear! She's still in band. Estrella is, too. Tata is still a hoot. I remember how much you enjoyed her sense of humor. Isabelle has been wanting to release balloons for you. We just haven't all been together. I think for Halloween - no matter where any of us are - we should release balloons for our Jazzy.

Well, I just wanted to stop by and say hi. I miss you. I know your mom and dad and Izzy miss you like crazy. They are sooooo not alone!

Hugs and kisses my Sassy Lassy!

Love ~ Sappy Auntie Phyllis

I thought about you all day. Kept clicking to your Facebook page and reading everyone's posts. Started to post a few times. All I ended up with were emojis. I have been trying to describe to myself the feelings I have, but I can't find the right words - and that is not the norm for me. The word "finality" keeps popping up but I can't connect the dots. I spent a fantastic day with your girls and some of my other grandkids - your cousins. And as much joy they bring and fun the day was, a cloud loomed on the edges of all that sunshiny happiness. I stayed just this side of grumpy. "Unfair" keeps popping up too and that shouldn't even be considered any more. Enough rambling. I miss you, Sassy Lassy. Today should NOT have happened three years ago. It just shouldn't have happened. See you in my dreams, sweet girl. ~Auntie Phyllis

I miss you and this is one way to connect. Doesn't have to make sense. Love you with all my heart, Sassy Lassy. Took your girls to see you Saturday with your mom and "Aunt" Niki. What should we do in your honor, Sweetie. Random acts of kindness? Treasure chest at Children's? Something musical connected to school? Maybe you can ask God to give us a clue. Thanks. Hugs and kisses, Sweet Girl. ~Auntie Phyllis

Hey there! Well, we closed today. Now I can do some fun things with your girls. Like make the purses for the Walk. I'm glad I got to take food to your mom and the nurses. Makes you a part of the place even though you didn't get to go there.

Your dad has a Facebook page. LOL I can just imagine your eyes rolling at that.

Well, I just wanted to touch base with you. Good night, sweet girl. Love you!!!! ~Auntie Phyllis

Hi there, Sassy Lassy. Only have 3 more weeks before the restaurant closes. You never got to see it. I was thinking what am I going to do with all my time? What was I doing before we opened? And then I remembered. I was spending time with you and your mom. Seems like we opened just in time to take up all my time after you. April 18th would be 2 years. May 2nd will be 2 years. We congregated there afterwards - me and the kids and grandkids. Worked. Stayed busy. Listened to your music. Talked about you. Cried. Cried. Cried. Another chapter closing. A new chapter starting. But no matter how life on this side changes, you will always be with me. I will take you where ever I go.

Love you, Sassy Lassy. Miss you, so!

~Auntie Phyllis

Your birthday is coming up. I guess you will always be 18 in my mind. Celebrating when you came to this earth - 20 years ago. I can't help but wonder what you would be doing if you were still here. And then I get that tsk, tsk sound just to the side of my head. I see you roll yours eyes and shake your head. I know! You are doing so much more amazing things in heaven than you would be doing here, but sometimes that just isn't enough to sustain me. My heart is broken. I did not anticipate how deep the pain would be. I miss you, Jazz. I rerun visits and outings and special events trying to hold on to all the memories. They make me sad most of the time. Sometimes they make me smile. I know some day the smiles will outweigh the tears. I just don't know when. Instant, tears well up at the thought of you, at the sound of a song, at your name on my lips. Damn it! I believed with all my being that you were gonna stay here with us. Prayers for the aching to subside. Prayers for the acceptance to grow. You have that inside connection now, Sassy Lassy. Prayers for Auntie Phyllis, please. Thank you.

There are days that stand out more than others. Been sad the past couple of weeks about you and couldn't put my finger on why. It just hit me - January 4th. Double edge sword day but worth every minute to spend with you. I knew it was Tiki's birthday, but there was something lingering in the shadows. It was you. But you aren't in the shadows, are you. Tiki says she sees you in the trees. You just have to believe Nana, she tells me, and you can see her. Your girls they talk about you all the time - still. Tata asked me if you would know who she is when she gets to heaven - cuz what if she's real old, would you still know her? Yes, I told her. You would know her anywhere! Goodnight sweetie. Maybe a dream tonight, huh. Love you. Auntie Phyllis

Just finished a crying jag for you. It feels really crappy to miss you. That's what you were trying to tell me that day you were talking about Matthew, wasn't it. You weren't questioning the tears. You hated the way the missing felt. I miss you, sweet girl. I miss you so much that I am selfish about it. I miss you so much I would even let the hospital be the setting for one more visit, one more conversation. I wish I hadn't left so early that last morning I spent the night. You woke up asking for me. Did you need to tell me something that I missed hearing? I regret leaving that day. It haunts me. But I know, know, know you don't want me to feel bad about that. Just the missing - right! LOL Missing means remembering and I promised to ALWAYS remember and pass your memory along. Well, I just wanted to stop by and say hi and let you know that you are so very much remembered. Hugs and kisses my Sassy Lassy! ~Your Sappy Auntie Phyllis

Its been quite a long time since I was on here. The last day of 2013. Seems appropriate that I end the year with you. This past month I have had such a strong unquenchable desire to see you, talk to you, hear your voice, one more time. I know that it would not be enough - that the urgency would return at some point. I know that it will pass, too. Some how I will sense your presence and the feeling will subside. God's grace, I assume. Shall I say it? I miss you. Tiki was writing to you yesterday on my phone, but the battery was going out. I forgot to let her finish today. Next time she comes over I'll let her finish on the computer. Your girls hold you tight in their hearts and memory. They always will. That was the plan, yes? LOL I love you, Sassy Lassy. Every day brings me closer to you. I know you will have an amazing New Year. Share hugs and kisses all around.

Your Sappy Auntie Phyllis

Hi Sweetie. This time last year we were going to your house for a huge bbq - your graduation party, really. It was a celebration incognito. All last year we watched for the 2nd of the month - counting down to year one. The 2nd's still grab my attention. Your girls and I had a Jazz Fest the other day. Completely unplanned - we were studying faith. Lots of crying and hugging. They played Paradise on their phones. Yes, they have phones. And they both downloaded Paradise. SMH! Tata asked me if you would know her in heaven if she's old when its her turn. I told her not only would you know her, but you would know she's coming and you would be at the gate. Angelina said you were in the room with us. I told her that it was probably your angel. Since you didn't need your guardian angels any more, you probably have them hovering over your girls and Izzy. They still miss you dearly, Jazz. You knew they would. We all miss you. I wrote a poem reflecting on you and the others up there waiting for us. I have to start making a difference down here so I'll be ready when it's my turn. I know I am rambling on, but I just wanna talk to you. Your cousins are moving on into adulthood. Scary for them and us "old folk". LOL Uncle Eddie is actually trying to be a good patient. He talks about you more often since his surgery. He said it was you and Marquita that helped him not be afraid during the surgery. Two pretty girls. Who else!? We don't get together like we used to any more. You would hate that. Well, special girl, give Grandma and Matthew, and Papa and Grannie hugs and kisses for me. And when you run into Patty, tell her I love her and miss her, too. Oh, and BTW, I'll take care of your girls down here, and you can take care of my baby up there - ok? Thanks. Charlie wrote you a song. Charlie rocks. I see what you see in him. :) I hold your "I love you too, Aunt Phyllis" inside my heart. It makes me smile and cry at the same time, but it is some of the most precious words I've ever heard. I love you, too. Well, I guess I'll close for now. Possibly see you in my dreams. Love and miss you desperately. ~Sappy Auntie Phyllis

Well, it's definitely summer now! Major heat wave. Trying to stay cool, but that's not easy at the BH. That's what your girls named the restaurant - the black hole. LOL

I've had this overwhelming urge to talk to you. And while it's cool that we can still share stuff on your Facebook page, this seems more connected somehow. And that doesn't make me happy because, it was the other way around before. And I think it's changing because you've been gone sooooooooo long that it's becoming real. And in my goofy reality - this page is you in heaven and FB is you here. Doesn't have to make sense. I'm not even going to analyze the heck out of it like I usually do.

Fact is - I miss you, Jasmine. I wonder about what you think about all this - leaving here, heaven. I know it would be very descriptive and animated with a whole lot of eye movements! I miss you.

Extra prayers for Izzy and your cousins in their youth - prayers to make wise decisions, to find Jesus, to find peace and comfort. With all your innocence,you still seemed wise beyond your years. Pass some of that down to them.

Well, my beautiful, precious niece, I will close and do another one of those menial chores. I love you, love you, love you. ~Auntie Phyllis

It's raining. Doesn't feel like summer at all, but I'm ok with that. Hate the humid heat. Feels like Autumn and that's when I feel closest to you in a happy way. The end of summer - the bell, homecoming, Halloween, Thanksgiving. It was the best time - after and then before.

Went to the zoo again Saturday. Your girls made you a sign. They talked about you as we walked around. Tiki said she loves doing The Walk. It's fun and sad, too, but it's for you so that's why it's important and special. Tata said it made her miss you but she knows you were with us. They love you and miss you so very much, Jazz. As, do we all. The other day I read a really good definition of grief. Didn't exactly make me feel any better, but it made me see I'm not nuts. LOL We're into year two now, but it seems like I was just taking you vitamin water and mac n cheese from KFC. And Swedish Fish. LOL

Things are dramatic as always down here. Just trying to sift through the craziness unscathed. Sometimes we have to run into the line of fire to help someone else, though. It's at those times I think about how you would do it and I can't see you NOT standing up for someone - especially the underdogs. Hey, look at all those freshmen who came to say bye! Yes, I know Charlie will always be "your" freshman....

Well, my Sassy Lassy, guess I'll go be productive with some menial chore. I love you to infinity. ~Your Sappy Auntie Phyllis

I Love You! Miss you so much!!!!!!!!

Mommy

Hey there Jazz. Thinkin aboutcha. Them lanterns were somethin eh? Haha! It was a nice idea for your memory though. You are so very special to so many. I hope you know and see how missed and loved you are.
Gotta get movin now though, Katie has her softball tourny. Hey could you like, put some power in her batting today?? She is great fielder but Casey at the bat here...sucks. LOL! Don't tell her I said that!!!
Anyways beautiful I will continue to think about you daily and miss you always and love you forever!
Much Love.

I have to write before the day is done, but I don't know what to say that I haven't already said a thousand times. I miss you. You are amazing. I love you. You touched me beyond explanation. You will ALWAYS be remembered. You will ALWAYS be celebrated. Laughter, tears, smiles, memories, more tears - the day was a roller coaster. Incredible that it's been a year. WOW! ~Auntie Phyllis

Hey Jazzi, I sure do miss you! Still can't beleive you ran off to college with the angels. Things are quite hectic here; I know you would deffinately be shaking your head at this one. I don't write much to you and that does not mean I am not thinking of you or remembering your funny ways that would make me laugh. I may have not showed at times how much you meant to me or how much I loved you but just know this Jazzi; remember all the times you thought I was a strict aunt? That was my love for you by protecting you and your brother. It was my role, and although I wish many times that I was more of a buddy in our time together, I don't take anything back that was- because I realize in all the days we spent together, were special!! You made me feel in important when you would come to me and share your tears about things with school or other stuff, and I loved it when my simple words of love brought you comfort; it should always be simple, right..You introduced me to some music that I finally liked, ha ha..You would make me laugh when you would come and ask to take a walk with a friend; batting your eyes still at 16..too funny..and oh, how I do miss your lovely baking; and the kitchen, lol..the baking was great! And the kitchen..well now that I see it- that was a small issue..Boy, how we sweat the small stuff here on earth..just as one of the last things you told me..leave the drama alone. Well Jazzi, as I close This letter to you, I am realizing that we were buddies after all; thanks for your love Jazz, I will always miss you!

Blessed birthday my angel. Wishing you could be here without leaving heaven.

Hey Jazz. When I would come home from the hospital I would talk about what happened that night. I would ramble on until I realized Uncle Eddie was asleep and nobody was listening any more. LOL I could talk about you for hours!

That happened tonight. I guess it wasn't such a bust after all. I was telling him about the receptionist at the front desk who remembered you and the stories the nurses shared and the new nurses that heard so much about you. How much an impact you made on everybody. You wanted to be remembered and you are so very, very, very much.

I was waiting for midnight to check out your FB page and read birthday wishes and I wasn't disappointed. Seems several people were waiting for midnight to strike so they could say happy birthday to - well, not Cinderella - lol, to you!

Micael surely surprised me. His made me cry. Yes, I know - everything makes me cry.

Feel so incredibly close to you right now. I don't want to lose this feeling. It's happy and sad and exhilarating all at the same time.

I love you, my Sassy Lassy. Happy, happy, happy birthday!!!!! ~Sappy Auntie Phyllis

I went to Children's tonight with your mom. She took happy birthday wishes to Laura from you. It was not what I expected at all. A let down is the only way I can describe it. When I was telling Carmelita, she said it was because you weren't there. Maybe. Probably. It's not like I expected you to be there. Maybe your essence, some how. But why would you want to be there! Right?

Thing is, I can see you wanting to be there for the other kids. Maybe you are when it's one of "your own". We didn't get to see them, but your flowers are still up.

I think I thought I would feel close to you somehow, up there. But silly me - you are in my heart. How much closer could you be.

I wonder, my precious girl, what will I dream about tonight, on the eve of your birthday, after my strange, "flat" visit? I won't use this post to wish you happy birthday. Saving that for a special message.

I love you. I miss you. ~Auntie Phyllis

I tear up when I think about you, which is every day. Not just sometimes, but every time. I can see you shaking your head at me and I remind my heart that there is no crying in baseball. I never wanted to squelch my tears for you, but time has passed to where I wonder if people around me think I should be "over this" by now. I don't think they know how much my heart is still broken. Well, except your mom and Auntie Carmelita. They know I am not crazy. Love & miss you as much as always. ~Auntie Phyllis

You are sitting on the exam table. Your left leg is folded toward your lap, with the other swinging slightly to and fro. You are wearing the scarf that Aunt Carmen sent you. You have the bracelet your friend made you out of the pop can tops and one of the rings on your finger is the music ring I gave you for Christmas. Your hair has grown in into a fluffy crown that becomes you. Both your mom and I love it. You – not so much – you are missing your long locks.

It's taking forever! You lay back and nap, while your mom and I nap in the chairs, waiting for the nurse to come in and tell us you are fine. After all, you are the picture of health. You are feeling great. We surmise that the test results from last month are wrong – that they were mixed up some how and when they come in, they will tell us that all your results from the morning are normal. You look up and quietly announce that you don't want anyone else to have “it”. To think they are okay and then find out the good results were a mistake. Your selflessness always astounds me.

The nurse walks in and announces that your counts are super low. The leukemia has assaulted your blood cells and immune system drastically. We are stunned. We all bite back tears. Dr. Henry comes in. She looks a bit deflated. The leukemia cells are resistant and a different chemo is necessary – a nastier one. Two to three rounds to deplete your immune system and then a bone marrow transplant. You ask the inevitable. Of course, you do. You are the brave one. Host vs. graft disease. But you never have to face that – that big fear in the back of your mind.

It's January 4, 2012. Angelina is 8 years old. You will be 18 in a few weeks. We are hopeful. We are scared. They prep you for procedures – bone marrow aspiration, inserting another broviac, blood transfusion. Starting all over again.

I replay that day over and over. While it is a difficult day with difficult news, it is a good day. You look beautiful with rosy cheeks and a healthy smile. You sit straight and strong. Your laugh is hearty and the conversation is mostly about good things. I close my eyes and see you with your fluffy hair sitting on that exam table and I pretend that the results were a mistake. I pretend that you went home that day and grew out your long locks. I pretend that you are home with your mom, and me and your girls will visit soon.

I promised that I would always remember. Writing them down keeps them alive. I will ALWAYS remember, Jazz. I will try to remember every minute and repeat them as much as necessary to keep the memories clear. ~Auntie Phyllis

December 11th - I wanna say its a sucky day, but last year we were all together for Christmas trees. Did I ever thank you for that? You were the reason I pushed so hard to help it happen. I love you, my Sassy Lassy. Tomorrow I will be getting the stockings out. Deep breath! Lots of deep breaths! ~Auntie Phyllis

Thinking about you. Missing you. Loving you. Nothing new.

Dear Jasmine,
i miss you! are you having a good time in heaven?
from Angelina

Tiki said she missed making things for you, so she made this card and gave it to me to take to you.

On the way to church today, I reached into the pocket of my jacket. And what did I find? The flyer I picked up when we did the craft show at your school last year. Yes, Jazz, it made me cry. And smile. I could hear you say, "don't forget me." But that is not possible.

What I want is to be able to remember you without that anger rising again. I know that we agreed, the tears are acceptable, because you are worth every tear drop. But the anger, you do not approve of.

The opening song at church was about God's amazing love and how its here even when we don't feel it and how its here when the suffering is unbearable. I got what He was trying to show me. I am going to hang on to how much He loves me. I have been trying to do this "the right way" but the only thing I am capable of doing is rely on Him. I should know that by now, right? And so when I feel frustrated about you leaving, about you suffering and then leaving, I am going to hold on to Him and let Him hug me through it.

I gotta say, the combination of the flyer and the song put it all together for me. Its as if you and God tagged teamed me. LOL

I love you, Sassy Lassy. Thanks for the reminder. Never stop. And thanks for the message. Hi-five God for me, please. ~Auntie Phyllis

Miss you lil Cousin. So much going on but I still always think of you. What else could go wrong, I bet you said them words a few times huh? Well, guess its better not to ask. Wish I could come see you after hours again, as much as I hated seeing you that way it sure made me count my blessings and made things seem so minute compared to what you were living through and having to deal with.
Now your gone and there is nothing to compare to and it is all crashing down but the thought of your paradise life still helps me know one day this too will pass.
I find strength in you and how strong a girl you were through it all.
I love you Jazz and as you already know, think of you always!
~Aunt Niki

Hey Jazz. One of those can't sleep nights. I miss you comes to mind but it seems so redundant. I need new memories. I wish I would have gone to the balloon release. I could have heard new things about you. Still seems surreal that I am writing to you on a legacy page instead of inbox on FB. You would have kept me company tonight. I love you, Sassy Lassy. Maybe you can visit in my dreams.

Hey, did you and Papa do anything special for his birthday? What am I saying - everything up there is gotta be special. Well, Sweetie, goodnight. I love you and miss you so much. ~Auntie Phyllis

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I think this didn't really happen. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I still wait for a call from your mom. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, a single tear lingers on my cheek. When I can't sleep, I check to see if you are online so we can chat. I really do go to your FB page. Because this can't be real. Really missing you, Sassy Lassy. I was already missing you and then your mom went and made me cry with her post. LOL Now, you know that is easy to do but when its because of her, it just hurts worse. Love you so much! I know. I know. I know. You are happy! You are perfect again! You are whole! I know that in my head. My heart just hasn't caught up with it yet. ~Hugs & kisses, Auntie Phyllis

Without a miracle, Collin will be with you soon. I know your heart breaks for him and his family. But I also know that you know what amazement is in store for him up there. Pass along our prayers for Collin and all his loved ones. I didn't get to meet him except through yours and your mom's stories. I know that he brought you joy and laughter. For that, he is my hero. ~Auntie Phyllis

Hey Jazz. Bought a Vitamin Water today. Strawberry-Kiwi. Not Acai-Blueberry. Not Dragonfruit. On purpose.

Purpose - there's a word. What was your purpose in my life? To make a difference. Difference / change - scary words, even when the change is good. What good change do I want to make in my life from knowing you? What lessons do I want to take from your ordeal, your courage - from who you are and make my life more meaningful, more purposeful from knowing you?

Strawberry-Kiwi Vitamin Water might seem like an unimportant step, but its a beginning. And its not stepping away from you - from us, but rather stepping into where you wanted me to go no matter what your outcome. You have. You are where I wanted you to be no matter what your outcome - close to God. Who knew we would be of the same mind!

I love you, Sassy Lassy. I know that I will continue to miss you, continue to cry about missing you, from time to time still ask why, from time to time still get ticked off about it. But I also want to be better because of you. So, I will sip on my Strawberry-Kiwi, read my Bible the way I am supposed to, listen to my heart, and try to make a good difference in someone else's life, like you did in mine.

Kisses and hugs! Big, tight hugs like I couldn't hug you when you were here. ~Auntie Phyllis

Dear Jazz,
I wish you could come to the walk with us.

Love Tata

Dear Jazz,
I hope you are having fun in heaven. I miss you a lot !!!! I wish i could see you one more time.
love,
Tiki

Insomnia. Miss you so much more late at night when I can't sleep. Miss our FB chats. School will be starting soon. Life is going on. Doesn't seem like it should. I look at pics of you at Matthew's funeral and I think about some of the things I thought then - would you be next? And I wondered if you thought about that too. If you did, I hope you had someone to talk to about it. I look at your homecoming pics and you are still here. It wasn't even a year ago that everything was looking up. Yes, I know, I have to look up to see you now. Tiki says she sees you in the trees. Oh, to have the eyes of a child. I miss you, Jazz. I would have been your grandma for the long haul. Love you - Auntie Phyllis.

hey baby girl, Went to Band Camp this past week. It was alot of fun misssed you alot of course. Your section put a orange ribbon and Jazzi on thier shirts for section color day that was very special of them to do. Justice sang a song for you, she did a beautiful job. Your brother had a great time, for movie day his section did Avatar, they won, they looked awesome. We are now the Carpenter Cottage instead of cabin, sounds more special. :) It was a fun but also sad week thinking of the year before with you. I think I'm a band geek now. :) Really miss you, Love you so very much. xoxoxoxox Love you always, Mommy

Tomorrow is Micael's graduation party. Not sure if your mom is gonna make it. We all understand. It will be an emotional roller coaster - celebrating Micael and remembering you. Plus, you LOVE being with your cousins so much. You should be there. Not just you should be having your own graduation party, but you should be at his too!

It's at the park - the one where it rained and you and me and your mom and tiki and tata went to my house. When Tata took the picture with your wig. You love that picture. Remember when she put it in the Christmas bulb? That was great!

The girls made purses with Aunt Niki - a paint project. Tiki painted your name on hers. So, NOT surprised.

Well, girl - be thinking about you tomorrow, but that's nothing new. Love & miss you so very much.

~Auntie Phyllis

I was talking to God yesterday. Yes, we are back on speaking terms - but I am sure you already knew that. And it's not a crisis of faith that your leaving left behind. But rather a crisis of trust. Some people might think they are the same. I did. But they are not. So, we are working on that. If you could, please put in a good word for me with the Big Guy. Thanks!

And please watch over your mom and Izzy this coming week at band camp. Send them happy memories and help them not be too sad. They will be there on the 2nd.

Well, my Sassy Lassy, as August approaches it seems impossible that you have been away for only 3 months. It seems soooooo much longer since I've seen you, touched you, heard you say Aunt Phyllis. But then, at the same time, it seems like all this just happened. The wound is still so fresh.

See you in my dreams - please!

Your mom had a bad day today. Lift her spirits and visit in her dreams. When I have one of those days I think about your mom and can't imagine how much harder it is for her. But she's a trooper - just like you. Love you! ~Auntie Phyllis

Hi Jazzi so jackie tells me you were laughing at her, thank you for being there with her. love you and miss you, auntie denise

Dear Jazzie, I miss you soooo much. I imagine you everywhere in the trees, in the sky. I remember when we went to Border's. I really miss you!!!!!!!
LOVE, Angelina Flores

I think about you everyday. I hope that never stops. Most of the time it makes me sad, but that's okay. You are worth every tear. My days, while very busy, feel empty since I don't have you to visit. I hope you know how special you are to me. I hope you know how much I grew to love you. I hope you know how much I am looking forward to seeing you again. I hope you know how much I miss you. I hope you know how much I admire you. I hope you know. ~Auntie Phyllis

Hey there, Sassy Lassy. I wonder, do you get to read these? I asked Grandma the same thing. I guess I will know when it's my turn. But then it won't matter - to me anyway. Missing you a lot today. Might be the dream. I hate when I dream about you and can't remember it. It's just one more thing I can't "touch". You wrote on something with a permanent marker and someone scolded you. Your answer was something like some day you'll want something to remember me by. But in the dream we thought it referred to when you were famous - not gone. Can't see any faces or hear any voices or remember the background or what the dream was about. Just that permanent marker and the gist of the conversation. Would really like to hear you chuckle and say aunt phyllis. I can still hear you say I love you too aunt phyllis from that last day. I hope, I hope, I hope my ears never lose that memory. For me, the voice has always been the first thing to go. Feeling super sad tonight. I miss you. Your sappy aunt phyllis signing off. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jasmine what do i say we all miss you soo dearly. I remember seeing you in the choir room all the time or in the performing arts center. You deserve too live so much longer then what u did its just not the same without you here we all loved you so much <3 Hope your out of your pain and missoury

Jazzi, What can I say, I'm sitting here thinking of what to write you, but all I can think about is how I let you down by not walking for you and letting me be scared of what could happen instead of just taking a chance. I am not happy with myself these days because how I let you down your mom, dad and Izzy. All I can do is say I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart.I love you and miss you dearly. I never put any ones feelings first just mine and that wasn't right. All those days you laid there and wish you could walk and then I couldn't even walk for you, shame on me. All I can do is really nothing, what's done is done. I'm sorry to you , and your mom. I love you and miss you very much auntie denise

As you know, your Uncle had surgery today. All went well and your Aunt talked about you ALL day. I think being at the hospital flooded her mind with thoughts of you and you and you!! We all miss you so very much!! Love you forever!!
~Aunt Niki :)

Jazz,
Haha! Yes, we must keep our manners. Your Momma is right. It's so easy sometimes to become frustrated and not allow God to be God. God knows, he knows all. Maybe I should ban the words" I just don't get it, don't understand??"
This way life will fall into place as its meant to, we are not meant to understand everything anyway.
I love you lil Cousin! Isabelle keeps asking when your coming back?? Strange?? It's not like she was with you very much. God knows :)
See there Jazz, I chose my words. LOL!!
Well back to laundry I go, I just stopped in to visit.
~Aunt Niki

I sat down to write a poem and this came out. Jazzi, is it really from you or am I just losing it? I am so skeptical these days. I will try not to be.

“I've lost my joy,” I hear you say.
A hallow laugh replaced it with a sigh.
Your faith is bottomed out.
Your heart just wants to cry.
You've lost your joy.
An aching haunts everything you do.
Your hope is non-existent.
You groan, “Jazzi, its because I'm missing you.”

Not me! I shake my head at you.
You know I'm doing great!
You told me all about this place.
Where did you leave your faith?
You said when joy could be found
In the midst of trials He would be,
Right there to lean on – always protecting me.
I know you think your prayers failed.
Or His will was not your will some how.
I can not give you answers.
At least I can't right now.
But I'll tell you the exact same thing,
You told me time and time again.
Rest in His hands. He's got this!
And trust Him once again.

You think I missed out on so many things.
So did I before I left.
But I didn't know what awaited me,
When I took my final breath.

For I sit beside the angels at the foot of God most high.
I rejoice in His presence. I live although I died.
I'll be waiting to greet you, (and mom) when you pass through heaven's gate.
Until then, Auntie Phyllis, (and mom) hang onto your faith.

I did. And I promise!!!!!!! It's so much more than what you said it would be! It's epic!

Your Sassy Lassy
June 7, 2012

Ok Jazz! Now your mom went and made me cry again! You can't get much sappier than her last post, so she is the queen of sappy now. Had a really comforting talk with her last night. Weird because we didn't talk about happy, sappy stuff too much. But is was all about you and I guess I needed that - to share you with her again. Every day I miss you. Uncle Eddie even gets teary about you. He says he thinks about you huddled in the corner of the couch because you were so tired when you came over after clinic. I smiled and said, but she always wanted to stop by. I miss those visits even though the reason for them was soooooooo unfair. Your mom is being so brave. You knew she would be. That cancer song makes me think of you and her - the lyrics that say, "the hardest part of this is leaving you". Of ALL the awful things you had to endure I know that was the hardest - leaving your mom. You guys are a team! Because you were able to endure that, we can endure this. While you get the better end of the deal, we have to believe it isn't over and we'll see you again. Until then, I will always miss you. There wasn't enough time to experience you. And there was sooooooo much to experience. I'm smiling now just thinking of some of your come-backs, jokes, looks. I love you, my Sassy Lassy. I love you like my own. ~Auntie Phyllis

Hey baby girl. Love you and missing you! Just want to make sure you don't talk to God that way as Aunt Niki asked, you know I gotta make sure your using your manners up there. But it is hard down here without you, very hard. I'm doing my best to somehow smile once a day at least, especially for your brother. He is missing you too. Wow never thought I would have to work so hard on a smile. Never. Well missing you every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month and eventually I will have to say every year. Please help me to keep on some kind of task. Its hard to function without you. I meant to tell you the other day, the day of your graduation, there was a letter in the mail from EMU Band saying that you made there Marching Band with a scholarship. How excited you would have been. I can see your face and you jumping up and down and getting on your phone and calling all your friends or texting them. I'm so very proud of you my girl. You are the best daughter anyone could of ever asked for. Thank you my perfect gerber baby for all of the joy you ever gave me. From feeling you move inside me to seeing you smile for the first time, hearing you talk for the first time all your first and seconds. I remember being alone for the first time after I had you, I hated it and missed you so but knew I would be home soon to see you and hold you again. Unfortunatly this time you aren't here and I can't hold you when I want. I Love you and am rambling on starting to sound like one of Charlie's card. The Band awards is this Friday, I remember last year you were so happy you had beat cancer. Your were waiting to ge your major award :). I love you so much missing you always. Help me do this my girl, everyday living that is. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jasmine I think about you always and always! I wish you were still here with us. I really miss my Facebook Instant Message Buddy. I was hoping you would get better it is Not fair that you are gone. I know you really like music I always wanted to learn how to play a musical instrument and be in a Rock N Roll Band. You are one of the coolest people I have ever met. You have inspired me to be a musician.

Hey Jazzi, I've lost my joy. I don't know what to do to get it back. My heart hurts. I promised you that I would take care of your mom, but I don't know how to do that either. We are a mess over here. You would be so disappointed. Sorry. ~Auntie Phyllis

JAZZ,
There has been a very eventful week down here thus far, as you see. Just don't understand life sometimes, I'm sure that thought must've crossed your mind a few times eh??
I think of you always, and always and always!
Wish you were still with us, Adam is home now and he would've loved to come visit with you!
I should be happy and excited to have him home right? I'm sad for him and I know I shouldn't be, but I just don't understand life sometimes!
I miss you Cousin, I love you. Please have a chat with the big man up there and ask him, what the heck is goin on!?!?!? I need some kinda understanding! Of everything, your leaving, Adams coming, just everything....
Love you Angel!!
~Aunt Niki

Jasmine,

I didn't say enough - after all the heartache you'd think we'd learn. Now I'm sitting here writing in another one of these books... a beautiful idea really, but what I'd prefer is to sit you down, grab your hands, and say everything as you look at me. I planned on telling you so many stories, so many feelings, so many memories of you during your years when you were so little you couldn't remember - I was saving them for when I came back, when you and I'd be able to hang out as adults and just talk. Now what?

When I was a little girl and your mom would come over I had this rush of happiness shoot through me, as if some sort of angel walked into the room - all us kids loved her so much. She was the one we all fought over to sit on her lap. When she had you, I knew you'd be special, I didn't know just how special though and wow girl, just wow. You immediately grabbed my interest and my heart. Such a pretty little girl who kept us laughing - I'll miss you. I do miss you. I have already missed you, because of the distance since my move four years ago. I'm sorry I left when you wanted to show me so much... I'm sorry.

I see all the greatness you've achieved at your age and it's inspiring to us all. I am beyond words proud of you and proud to have been your family. You're in all the music I hear, especially when I pop in my Evanescence cd or play my Nightmare Before Xmas playlist on pandora.

Last summer I went to see you perform - which pleasantly reminded me of all the rushes of adrenaline I too felt while performing with my peers in front of an audience. Music speaks to our souls doesn't it? :) Only those in it know... you knew. That night mom took me into the cafeteria where you were with your friends. You were so happy you were beaming and had a smile from ear to ear - the way you introduced me to your friends and what you said... Jasmine, I was so touched I was speechless. It's a speechlessness that comes from an honor so deep that there aren't words to describe it. Proud and lucky was all I felt at that moment standing next to you. Thank you.

I hear your laugh all the time. Sleep peacefully sweetheart. I love you.

~Forever your cousin

I love you Jazzi, what can I say, You are so missed here. Your big day was yesterday, Proud of you for graduating and for kicking cancers butt. I love you so much. My heart breaks for your mom. Send her a dream so you both can share some time together.I love you, your silly aunt denise Oh ya, I'm sure you seen your fellow peers, they are awesome!

Hey my girl, accepted your diploma for you yesterday. That was difficult to say the least. It should have been you receiving it yourself. I was thinking about what I said about missing something and messing up, I know for a fact you would not want me to blame anything on myself, I just want you to know I don't really, I just feel like maybe if I would have asked different questions, I guess the questions we didn't want to ask. Maybe it would have been different and you and I would have been more prepared I don't know maybe it would have maybe it wouldn't have. All the should haves and have nots. Everytime I need an answer to a question I go to ask you. You always knew the answer or what to say to me to help me feel better or just understand. I need that right now my girl. Miss you terrible. Love you sooooooo. xoxoxox my beautiful girl.

I believed so hard. Why didn't you get well? I've kept this question bottled up inside me for a month. One month today. I thought it would go away, that question. But it still screams in my mind, breaks my heart, and dampens my soul. And I know you wouldn't want all that. We talked about that didn't we. When you were crying 'cause you missed Matthew. How we didn't want our family and friends to be sad, but come on now, what impact did we make if nobody missed us! LOL Well, Jazz, what an impact you made!!!!!!!!!!!

I write in the back of my journal covers the births and deaths. The births, I write immediately. Still haven't added your name and date. Will be a while before I can do that.

You made me fall in love with you, my Sassy Lassy. I can't regret my tears and pain, because you are worth every bit.

~Sappy Auntie Phyllis

Oh my girl graduation tomorrow I'm gonna walk for you and get your diploma for you. You should be here to walk. I love you with every inch of my being. You never wanted to hurt me or my feelings so what does this mean? How can this be? I messed up. That's the only explanation. I'm sorry!

Stopped by to see you on Wed. It was Amanda's last day of school. Could not help but think of you.

Good morning, Sunshine. Tomorrow is your graduation. Always there for you, Mom is going to pick it up. It will be a sad day, no matter how we wrap it. Let us feel you wrap your arms around us, Jazzi. I am trying not to be angry about you not being there to walk across that stage like we talked about so often. How you cried about wanting to be able to do that. I can still hear your voice and see your scrunched up face with the tears falling. Sometimes when you would cry because you wanted to walk I didn't know if you were talking about actually walking or walking across the stage for graduation. But you always clarified that for me. lol Well, you are walking now, but tomorrow that will just not be good enough. Love you, Sassy Lassy. Miss you desperately. ~Auntie Phyllis

Went to church today. First time since.....well since last month. Was using the exhaustion excuse, but I knew it was more than that. I dug through the previous bulletins and pulled out one from the 1st week in May. You are in there again, but not it the prayer list. Rather prayers for the family are requested. Cried through most of the service. Spent a lot of time in the bathroom being angry and wanting to know why and all that goes along with that. Needing a wheezer, but not getting one. Oh, Jazzi, I miss going to see you. I miss hearing you laugh. I miss the things we were going to do together. This sucks so much!!! Auntie Phyllis

Thought about you all day, went to bed thinking about you, woke up thinking about you... I think about you Always!!
Miss you, miss the late night, and I do mean Late trips to see you. Miss the prayer chain updates, miss the laughter and jokes of your Momma's and you shaking your head at her with a roll of your eyes. Miss having the hope deep inside my heart that God was going to heal you from head to toe and take away all your ailments. Well, he did, just not in the way we all hoped for. Sad that the vision I would sit and daydream about when you were healed and you shared your story is not gonna happen!!!! :'(
sad that the question of Why?!? won't go away!
None of it makes any kind of sense?? Just can't wrap any sense around it!!
Well, lil Cousin, I love you and think about you Always!! Much Love,
Aunt Niki <3

I understand what "Aunt Niki" expressed. It is a constant battle to find joy in things when you should be here with us. It is a constant battle to let go of the anger about the outcome. It is a constant battle to see those words - believe, fight, hope..... and not want to scream about you. You never gave up. Not fair! So not fair. Keep reminding us that is it ONLY our loss - not yours. You are home. Keep reminding us of that, because it hurts to much to find joy even in that sometimes. ~Auntie Phyllis

I felt so irritable today at the relay for life event, I kept thinking how unfair it is that your gone. There were so many signs that read believe, fight, strength, blah blah blah. As I drove home from the black hole tonight, I felt the irritability come back, I'm so mad that this took you from us, that your Mom is in pain without you, that everyone is enjoying prom, that others are planning for graduation and graduates are planning their partys. I'm so angry that your life was too short, just angry about this outcome!! It's just all so.....

I love you Jazz!

Micael's prom is today. We smile for him and tear up for you. It is difficult to enjoy the things you missed. But it is really us who are missing out. We are missing out on being with you. We are missing out on doing all the things that were planned since the day you were born. You are not missing out on anything. I love you and still wish you were here. I know that is contradictory because nothing is better than heaven, but its easy to be selfish when the void is so huge. I keep dreaming about you and its as though you have just been there when I wake up, but I can't remember any of the dreams - except that you are always happy in them. And there's a sense of you telling me not to cry. Fat chance, my Sassy Lassy. I wanted to make your dress. I wanted to make it special and beautiful and worthy of you. Guess I have to wait until I get to heaven. Then I can make it from spun gold. Until then, see ya in my dreams.

Jaz, I visited your mom tonight- I made a special CD because I figured she couldn't play your I POD in the car. I put some of your favorites on it. Paradise by coldplay (first of course)we visited, talked ,laughed and cried.. yes we did . I was tying to cheer her up but she said I wasn't very good at it.. HA,HA.. She was joking (of course). Took a nice frozen drink over to her.. IZZY was out. but came home later I think he is kind of lost too... I know how her heart feels. broken empty nothing can fill the void in her heart- you were what made her whole. I know because Ricky was mine. Never will her heart be the same. But don't worry I will try to help her as much as I can. you keep her safe. visit her, touch her beautiful face as she sleeps & dreams of you. Send her your love in a soft breeze or on the wings on a butterfly. We miss you . Love, Marcie

Hey Jazz. Just stopped by to read your page even though it makes me cry. LOL I told you - a good cry is good for you. I am re-reading "Heaven is For Real". It makes me feel so much better about your leaving this world for that one. Doesn't make me miss you less, but it reminds me that I will see you again. You mom looks lost. Today, she seemed better - busy. But I know it doesn't feel the void you have left in her life - in her heart. I pray for her to feel God's comfort. She said you complete her. You still do that. You are just there and she is here. You still complete her. You always will. I know it was hard to let go of her. The vision of heaven must have been truly amazing to tempt you to leave your mom. Visit her dreams, and one step farther, let her see your life now. I'll give her my book when I am done with it. I love you, my Sassy Lassy. Auntie Carmen is right. It's still surreal. Kiss, kiss......Auntie Phyllis

Hey Jazz,
Your Momma was up at the restraunt with us today, it sure did brighten our day!! It has been so hard to stay focused there anymore, your Momma was a great help and I loved listening to her talk about you and say your name!! She spoke as if you never left us :) I could pretend you are, just like I try to do with Matty, but then I caome to this page and the reality hits again!
I know you are no longer suffering but our selfish wants would rather have you here with us!
I love you so very much my lil cousin!! And thanks soooo very much for my visit lastnight, it sure did help me smile today!!
Much love,
Aunt Niki

I dreamt about you lastnight my lil Cousin, it was so comforting!! That is how I will remember you!!
I love you so very much! I miss you and miss that I can't show up to Children's after visiting hours to bring you something!! I think I liked the challenge of gettin passed the guards! Haha!! I think of you everyday precious, give my Daddy hugs and kisses for me!
Much love, Aunt Niki

Dear Jasmine,

There are so many memories that we shared I will cherish. Still, you being away all seems sureal. This is a hard one for me but I can not imagine what your mom, dad and "the boy" (that is sometimes what you would call Izzy), are going through. I do know that all who loved you are so at peace that you are NOT suffering anymore. Bugzy surely knows what's going on..he misses you. Too bad he couln't have been at the wake. Knowing him, he would have dragged you out of there and we would have tracked him down, once again, in the forest(as Izzy would say when he was younger). I will miss taking you both to community service,lol(McDonald),I already miss cooking for you guys and having your friends over after school.
I hear your voice everyday; I can hear you sing a favorite song at your highest note, with your bedroom door closed and I would listen and laugh with the joy I felt as you sung, knowing the neighbors were probably enjoying it as well, lol. I could hear you now, with a response for this one, lol. Your voice was amazing, for which ever it shared. Your time here with me was truley a special time. Well , my time is about up here at the library. I miss you and we will talk agin, later, much Love always. Give Grannie a great big hug for me...Auntie Carmelita

Hey Baby Cakes, Sure am missing you. Not sure what to do. Oh my goodness how will I fill my days. I hate being without you. Just want you to talk to to confirm my answers with to complete me. You complete me. :) Had to put that in there, you know me can't stay serious for too long. But really, I don't feel whole without you, I feel lost. I think about you every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Love you so very much. Mommy

Your mom shared your room with me today. Best Mother's Day gift ever! We just walked around and looked at your things AND read your door! LOL You are amazing! No wonder God wanted you for Him. I wish I could have known you longer and better. The more I talk / chat with your friends the more I realize I missed out on. You are truly an awesome enigma! I love you. ~Auntie Phyllis

Hi, my Sassy Lassy. Just wanted to stop by and say hello. I miss going up to see you at Children's, but I'm happy you are not there any more. Not real thrilled - yet - about where you are now, but I'll get there. I love you my girl. I will close my eyes and walk in the room, "Hey, Baby, how you doing today?" "Tired," you would respond a lot lately. Well, you're not tired any more. Thumbs up! ~Auntie Phyllis

Think about you always my lil Cousin!! I love talking about you to whoever I'm with. I love you sweets!!

My heart was touched to see how many ppl loved u u truely were special I only wish I could have known u better RIP little cousin love u always

Jasmine, your light you have left behind in every ones heart will never go out. We will keep it shinning brightly!!

Jasmine I always enjoyed seeing you at school. We used to always talk on Facebook everyday. I remember when we were talking about my Graduation Openhouse and I was really hoping you could come. My heart is broke I hope you have found peace. I LOVE YOU JASMINE GOSSELIN!!!!!!

"You harp, companion of my voice, come with me to the land of darkness. Though the demons may growl, we know the power of music can tame their rage."
-Arion

Elisa and family i am so sorry to hear about Jasmines passing way to young and way too soon! Your family is in our thoughts and prayers
Emily Bilodeau Ashley wards Mom

To the Gosselin Family and all who love and miss Jasmine: May her light always shine in the midst of your lives! God be with you all during this time! Love, Ronni & Gino

I am so very sorry my 9 year old also has leukemia so i can feel a bit of what you are going thorugh. so wish i could do more. My heart goes out to you
Peggy and John

So sad so young. We can't question God but we hope to see them again. Prays and love for all the family and friends.

My prayers go up and my heart goes out to the family.

Our deepest sympathy. We will be praying for the family to keep strong and keep the faith. Love, your cousins and family.

No bond is as great as that between a parent and child. Our deepest condolences are with you all as you grieve.She will always be in our hearts and prayers and we will surely miss her smile!

My eyes cry for your family but my heart prays for thier healing....
A.Johnson

I miss you, Jasmine. I love you. I was crying a lot today. So was my sister. You are so special to me. I will always remember you in my heart. I remember all the things we did together. It makes me sad and happy at the same time. I love you - Estrella (Tata)

Jasmine you are an awesome sax player, a great jokester, and most of all an absolutely fantastic friend. I will miss going to band camp, "practicing the songs" in sectionals (wink wink), and just talking about stuff in general with you... You are the bravest person I know, and I admire you for that. No one will never forget you and what great things you did to Kettering's performing arts.

Saxophone Family Forever <3

I am having a really hard time accepting this reality. I thought I was doing okay, but with tomorrow inching closer, I can feel my heart in my throat and I just wanna scream! This just isn't possible. I promised you that God would let you stay with us and tell your amazing story. I sooooooo wish I could have kept that promise.